My mouse has been hovering over your name for the past 2 hours, or more.
I want to talk to you. Do you want to talk to me?
I want to tell you how I miss you. How I wish I had done things differently. How every time I see you, I wish you would see me. But you don’t. I’m invisible.
She fucked things up for me, and for us. She really did. Her timing was the worst, it gave me just long enough to fall for you before you fell away from me. She stepped in and ruined everything. I cry about that, almost every night. I know you don’t know, but I do. When I get a tiny, half-second hug, it warms me enough to keep the tears away, at least for that night. But they always come back. And I can’t stop myself from thinking about everything we could have been, how happy we would both be right now if it wasn’t for her. And yes, I say both, because no matter what you say, I can see that you’re not as happy now. That hurts me, too. And sometimes, it makes me hate her. I wish I could tell you this.
But really, I want to say sorry. Sorry for not noticing sooner, because I was too blinded by him. Sorry for ignoring you, when all I really wanted was for you to make me laugh. I was stupid. Sorry, for doubting you, for being afraid… I never should have been. I realize that now. Sorry for not saying what I really wanted, and sorry if it seemed like I was saying no. I meant everything that I said, and by the time I started to see, you had already started to give up. I’m so sorry for not being honest, because I liked you for ages. I just didn’t realize until too late. I’m sorry I thought you would wait, because I should have known better. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I thought I had more time. And now, I’m sorry for making your situation more complicated. I’m sorry for telling you how I feel, because you had enough to deal with. I’m sorry for annoying you with my messages and for feeling like this, but I can’t help it. I’m so, so sorry. But most of all, I’m sorry for hoping you’ll change your mind, for thinking that you might like me back eventually, when you’re ready to move on. I’m sorry for not being able to get over you, but let me tell you a secret… I don’t want to. I’m sorry for that, too.
There is so much I want to tell you, but it would only make things between us worse. So if I see that little green dot next to your name, don’t be surprised if I talk to you. I just want your company, because I don’t want to cry again tonight.